29 replies to this topic

[Adam]

The groupies of Slutsitopia were so confident about their decision to paternity test monogodo, they decided to do it in front of millions of viewers on the nationally syndicated Sally Jessie Montelwilliamsrickilakewinfreydonohue Show. The assembled audience (also a bunch of sluts) could hardly believe their ears as the results were read...monogodo, you ARE the father! The audience erupted into a chorus of ghetto ass "hell naws" and "I toooold y'alls" as hip hop music inexplicably blared and the townsfolk even more inexplicably burst into a cavalcade of celebratory hip hop dances, including a gayer than usual Mango performing what a Google search would later reveal to be called the "Lip Gloss." However, all of this jubilation and merriment allowed mono"shawn kemp"godo just the opportunity he was looking for. A hole had opened up in the defensive front being put up by host Sally and a show security guard. And with a spin move, an uncharacteristic for a big man cross over dribble and a flagrant foul in the form of a right cross to the face of Dave McAwesome, Shawnogodo burst through the defense, never to be seen again.

But the groupies were in for a surprise of their own. After things had settled down and Mango had completed his carefully choreographed dance routine, host Sally returned the set to the somber tone that acts as the calm before the storm that is a talk show paternity test. "One of you has something to say, don't you?" asked a serious again for the moment Sally. The groupies looked around nervously before fixing their gaze on a teary eyed WebKittyn. "I do," she meowed. Her friends gasped in shock (or excited perversion, in the case of Bacony Goodness) as she recounted a ridiculously kinky encounter a month earlier with a man named Calvin at an NBA Legends convention. What started as a simple autograph request soon devolved into a hotel sex romp involving 88 cans of Cat Chow Moist and one hauntingly life like calico cat costume. And now, she was here to take a pregnancy test. Because when you're on national television, if there are two things you want to make sure you do, it's tell your most horriffic sex story and follow it up by letting the nation know you did it without protection. Of course, the test was positive. WebKittyn left the town in shame, never to be seen again.

Meanwhile, Calvin "Chester" Murphy was watching all of this unfold at the ESPN Sports Bar and STD Clinic. He knew he was in trouble as soon as he took that chick's cat suit off and saw the Houston Rockets throwback jersey with the name "Firecrotch" on it that she was wearing underneath. For weeks, he had been exhibiting all of the classic symptoms of syphillis which, thankfully, the author of this recap is wholly unfamiliar with and therefore will not go into detail about (a Google search for "syphillis symptoms" at home or at work, is also out of the question). After much prodding from his less than thrilled wife, he had come here to have it checked out. After a few hours, the doctor came out dressed in an NBA referee uniform, because that's the schtick here at the ESPN Sports Bar and STD Clinic. He ran up to Calvin, blew his whistle in his face, made a technical foul type motion with his hands and shouted "Syphillis! Number 23, Calvin Murphy, rare and untreatable, you'll be dead in minutes!" and made another motion as if to suggest he'd been thrown out of the game. Kind of a tasteless way to go about things, but pretty fucking awesome to the outside observer. And with that, Calvin "Chester" Murphy was dead. But hey, at least he didn't have to pay his bar tab (ESPN sent a collection agency after his wife for that).



And now, for what may be the biggest surprise of all...game over, groupies win.


Winners:

Dave - groupie and game winner
Mango (gay) - Baby Mama and game winner
norseman1066 - groupie and game winner
jeckles - Pharmacist and game winner
Bacon - groupie and game winner

Losers:

monogodo - NBA All-Star, taken out by groupies day 3
Malfouka - groupie, taken out by All-Stars day 1
Our House - groupie, taken out by groupies day 2
Deb - Maury Povich, taken out by groupies day 1
Dr. Zen - asshole, taken out by me five minutes into the game
Otto - NBA All-Star, taken out by his fellow All-Stars day 2
Chester - NBA All-Star, taken out by the Fire Crotch, day 3
WebKittyn - Fire Crotch, taken out by All-Stars, but took one with her when she went

Edited by Adam, 27 November 2007 - 02:31 PM.

[monogodo]

If it weren't for the Fire Crotch, Chester woulda had a chance. Maybe.

[jeckles]

No shit.

They took out one of their own.

[WebKittyn]

At least I got to take one with me.

Adam, that was a fantastic write-up and a great game. I had fun with my fire crotch.

[Deb]

Idiots took me out on day one, but I wasn't comfortable being Maury Povich so it wasn't necessarily a bad thing.

Adam's write-ups were first class

[monogodo]

I'd forgotten about the Fire Crotch. If that hadn't happened, y'all would have thought there were 2 of us left.

I was also pretty much working alone the whole game. Otto was busy with school and rarely logged in, and I don't know what was up with Chester.

[jeckles]

monogodo, on Nov 27 2007, 10:37 AM, said:

I'd forgotten about the Fire Crotch. If that hadn't happened, y'all would have thought there were 2 of us left.

I was also pretty much working alone the whole game. Otto was busy with school and rarely logged in, and I don't know what was up with Chester.

I would have thought there was two left. And we probably would have lynched Norse first which would have caused some confusion. It would depended a lot on who Mango investigated.

[malfouka]

i'm still disgruntled at being knocked-up day 1 (as well, i found out, as being the vigilante hit!)... was not feelin' the love.

hitting Otto was a good idea. the problem was there weren't enough players for it to work as well as it could have.

Edited by malfouka, 27 November 2007 - 03:54 PM.

[Dave]

monogodo, on Nov 27 2007, 09:56 AM, said:

If it weren't for the Fire Crotch, Chester woulda had a chance. Maybe.

Probably.

jeckles, on Nov 27 2007, 10:43 AM, said:

And we probably would have lynched Norse first which would have caused some confusion.

I didn't suspect Otto at all. Also that OH was a groupie. I probably would've voted to lynch me if I weren't myself. Chester seemed like a possible suspect, but I was still more concerned that Mango was bullshitting the whole time. I'm guessing either Norse or me would've gotten lynched in either order on days 4 and 5?

Mango, what were your investigations?

[mango]

Investigations were:

Dave McAwesome
Bacon
Monogodo

Next investigation would've been norse. When he came up innocent, I would've been shocked, and then I would've voted to lynch Chester.

[jeckles]

So I did finally manage to convince you of my innocence?

[Dave]

Day 4 would've been interesting.

shall we do another one while we're in the mood? the Count Chocula (dracula) one?

[Adam]

Dave, are you going to (or have you) open the mobchat for the public to see? Monogodo posted a list of what would've been the next hits. I was goddamned thrilled when he went with WebKittyn. As Mal can attest, I was dying to do a Firecrotch write up. It made for a nice ending also, kind of like everyone stood in a circle and shot each other.

[jeckles]

Adam, on Nov 27 2007, 11:46 AM, said:

Dave, are you going to (or have you) open the mobchat for the public to see? Monogodo posted a list of what would've been the next hits. I was goddamned thrilled when he went with WebKittyn. As Mal can attest, I was dying to do a Firecrotch write up. It made for a nice ending also, kind of like everyone stood in a circle and shot each other.

Except, for once, I didn't die.

[Dave]

Adam, I moved the MobChat discussions to this section. Nice write-ups, by the way.

[mango]

jeckles, on Nov 27 2007, 08:44 AM, said:

So I did finally manage to convince you of my innocence?

No. You would've been the next investigation after norse should the game have lasted that long.

[jeckles]

mango, on Nov 27 2007, 11:48 AM, said:

No. You would've been the next investigation after norse should the game have lasted that long.

And to think that I protected you....

[mango]

I thought my obvious cop hint ala monogodo was well, obvious.

You were insisting that I didn't leave any clues, and I thought you were either mafia, or playing it cool. Under oath, I would've sworn WebKittyn was the pharmacist.

My jeckles man-crush prevented me from investigating you earlier. Monogodo became an easier target.

[jeckles]

Seriously, I missed your hint. But then again I read through the posts at work, so I didn't give it my full attention either.

[mango]

Here was the hint (emphasis added)

Quote

I thought that Jeckles was the one that swore at the newbies,
Mango was the one that yelled at Bacon and Otto

At least Adam is still the gay one.

Clearly, I need to rethink things.
Otto and Bacon need to post more. I enjoy the witty back and forth we share.
Perhaps I should lynch monogodo to make things right again.

Unvote: Chester
Vote to lynch: monogodo