8 replies to this topic

[Dave]

The short version is:
1. Don't be a jerk.
2. Don't be afraid to ask questions.
3. Don't post a link to an external site until you have at least 30 posts.
4. Have fun. Some of the members here have known each other for quite a while. Please don't feel intimidated by that. You are welcome here.

For the complete, bloated, overly self-important version, continue reading...

The long-promised and completely revamped "Everything you need to know" thread.

Contents:

RULES: How not to get banned.

FAQ: Forum ranks and the shortest FAQ ever.

More FAQ: More of your interminable questions answered.

GUIDELINES: How not to post like an idiot. Guidelines to good posting.

EXTRAS: What's all this 'ducat' and 'arcade' stuff?

Legendary threads - Memorable but closed threads.

Where am I? If you're completely lost, click here for a brief explanation of this forum's sections.


There should be a welcome thread in the section where you found this one. Feel free to post there, say 'hi' and ask questions about this forum. Some of the members here have known each other for quite a while. Please don't feel intimidated by that. You are welcome here.

Edited by Dave, 27 December 2007 - 08:38 PM.
guideline-y-ness

[Dave]

THE RULES: How not to get banned
(or Why can’t people just act like decent human beings?)

DOs
1. Do be polite towards other members. Hell, be polite in everyday life. Period. Jerk.

2. Do write constructive posts that consist of more than “yeah,” “no way,” “sweet,” or a single smiley.

3. Do consider whether the new thread you’re about to create is a matter that was discussed recently (as in: dude, the same exact topic is a few threads down the page…why not post there instead of creating a whole new thread?)

4. Do keep the length of your signature to five lines or less (blank lines are included in this limit). Oh, and do avoid those signatures that show the viewer’s IP address. That just freaks people out.
.... 4a. Please keep images in signature small. No more than 100 pixels tall and 500 pixels wide. That's total, not for each image.

5. Do keep your avatars and signatures porn-free. PG avatars and sigs, please. No nudity or profanity. Keep things safe for work.

DON’Ts
6. Don’t spam.
.... 6a. Don't post a link to an external site UNTIL you have at least 30 posts.
.... 6b. Do not use your user name or custom rank to advertise your garbage.

7. Don’t reply to a thread unless you can contribute something new. If you agree or disagree with something explain why or why not.

8. Don’t flame or harass others.

9. Don’t create clone accounts with the intent of flaming or spamming. You know what? Don’t create clone accounts.

10. Don’t post nudity, porn, bloody images of any kind. Don’t link to these things either. We know the Internet is rife with such things, but this board really isn’t the place for that. We consider this board a couch where you can come to chill with friends. It’s a relaxing couch, not a porn couch.

11. Don’t attach images (you can't anyway). Link to a photo instead. You will find excellent free sites for this purpose, such as photobucket.com or flikr.com.

12. Don’t post or link to racist, sexist or homophobic material.

13. Don’t engage in mass thread necromancy (i.e., resurrecting ancient threads by posting—just let them fade into the night…in peace).

14. Don’t post an advertisement in any form.

15. Don’t post or link to warez, passwords, serial numbers, peer-to-peer networks, file sharing networks or anything that violates copyrights or trademarks.

16. Don’t repeatedly cause a larger than default horizontal scrollbar (usually by stretching out a word for emphasis, like “That’s soooooooo cool,” but with more “o”s).

17. Don't post rules of a game system in any way that would violate any intellectual property and copyright laws.

Most of these rules are pretty standard. The one that isn’t is about attaching images (although I think I've fixed it so you can't). Again, while not strictly against the rules, we prefer if you instead link to a photo. Please. You will find excellent free sites for this purpose, such as photobucket.com or flikr.com.

The administrators and moderators of this site reserve the right to ban any members for failure to adhere to the above (or at their own discretion). The administrators and moderators will be the sole judge on what is or is not to be construed as pornographic, racist, sexist, homophobic, or otherwise bannable material. (Basically, just use common sense. If you can’t adhere to these rules, feel free to find another board to post on.)

Play nice, people. Thanks for coming, and enjoy your stay. (And sorry I couldn’t make this list of rules funnier…or, for that matter, funny at all.)

[Dave]

FAQ

You know what I like about this FAQ? It's short. It's so short it only addresses two questions.

Q. What are the ranks for posting in this forum?
The current ranks are...

0 Weeble Wobble. Google it if you don't remember what these were.
10 Smurf. Smurfs and Barbies are ranked low because their parent companies are very litigious when it comes to parodies and other art commenting on their intellectual properties. Screw that noise.
20 Barbie doll. Popular though it may be, I've got Barbies ranked so low because, let's face it, they encourage the 3 worst traits in our society: materialism, greed and hooking up with an Aryan Frankenstein named "Ken."
30 Pound Puppy. "Look, mom! An abused rottweiler trained for underground dog fights was left to die and now sits here...in this dog pound...with an intense, burning hatred of human beings. Let's take it home and call him Snookums!"
40 Hungry, Hungry Hippo. HHH represents all the board games we've had in our lives from Candyland and Chutes & Ladders to Trivial Pursuit and Strip Pictionary.
50 Wacky Wall Walker. The last great cereal box prize. The end of an era.

60 Lincoln Log. Invented by the son of Frank Lloyd Wright. I didn't care much for the frontier lifestyle, so I made forts for my G.I. Joes.
70 Micronaut. Around in the late 70s, they featured interchangeable parts. Their metal joints were pretty fragile, however. Weird stuff. I never knew the narrative backstory about them until much later. No, it's not worth retelling.
80 Teddy Bear. Everyone's got their own "li'l bearkins."
90 Silly Putty. I liked to create air bubbles in the middle of the putty and snap them with a satisfying pop.
100 My Little Pony. I've never understood girls' universal fascination with ponies.

150 Mazinga. If you remember this robot toy from Mattel's Shogun Warriors line, you'll have impressed me. If you send me one, I'll be your friend for life.
200 Cabbage Patch Kid. "We're gonna make baby dolls, see. And they're gonna be hideous. I mean ugly with a capital UGH. And they live in this cabbage patch, see? We'll make a million bucks."
250 Care Bear. Nobody, but nobody messes with Wish Bear.
300 Atari 2600. The one. The only.
400 Thundercat. Hated the stupid show.

500 Etch-a-sketch. If I had to draw a circle on one of these things in order to save your life, you'd be dead.
600 Colorform. Reusable stickers. Brilliant.
700 Rubik's Cube. Aptitude in the Rubik's Cube immediately set you apart as a child. Isolation and derision would follow. Perhaps they should've packaged this with brass knuckles.
800 Matchbox Porche. The closest most of us will ever get to owning a Porche.
900 Robot Dinosaur. Plastic dinosaurs should be part of every kids childhood. They promote a curiosity of the natural world. Plus they've got badass teeth. (Robot dinosaurs are even cooler.)

Beginning at 1,000, there are new ranks at 1,000 post intervals up to 10K. 50K is a special one. No, I ain't tellin what these are. You'll have to find out. Custom rank at 3K, if you wish.

Additional pips (those little, white, iron cross type things under your username/avatar) are awarded at 10, 50, 100, 250, 500, 1K, 10K.

Q. Didn't I sign up for this forum forever and a day ago?
Hell, you might have. The old forum was on a different server. I wasn't happy with it, and I got a lot of spam members. You're not missing anything: not much happened there. Unfortunately, I couldn't carry over memberships, so you still need to sign up here if you want to post.

Prior to Nov. 2006, this site operated under a different URL and was called Chaos Wastes. That might also be what you were thinking of.

Edited by Dave, 12 August 2007 - 04:04 AM.
edited ranks

[Dave]

More FAQ

Q: I just joined. Should I introduce myself?
A: Yes. You can post in the "new members welcome" thread in the "Welcomes, forum issues, etc." section or start your own thread. I don't care which. I've seen a lot of forums that specifically discourage this practice. That seems a little cold to me, so yeah, say hi. If you want to tell us how you found this site, that's cool too.

Q: Mind if I spam something?
A: What's the point? It will quickly be deleted. You will be warned or banned. We will contact your internet service provider and the appropriate authorities. So don't.

Q: Oh, sorry, I meant I wanted to plug something.
A: First of all, that's not a question. Second of all, you must have at least 30 posts before you can post a link to ANY external URL. I don't care if it's your URL, your friend's, or just some random site you like. We'd prefer you post a little bit before sending people all over the interweb.

Q: I can't wait to start a flame war!
A: I can't wait to ban your ass!

Q: How do I get a custom rank?
A: 3,000 posts.

Q: Under my avatar, it says "Group: Rookie" but I see a lot of people with "Group: Misfits."
A: You become a Misfit once you have 50 posts. Then you can create your own blog. Rookies also can't add a sig until they have 30 posts. Sorry, but otherwise the spammers get too annoying.

Q: How do I create a gallery album?
A: go to My Settings => Gallery => Create an album

Q: How do I create a blog?
A: First, you must have 50 posts. Then go to My Settings => Blogs => Create a blog

Q: Under my avatar, it says "Group: Misfits" but some members have "Group: Ninja." What gives? Does that have something to do with the "Super Top-Secret Ninja Masterclass" section?
A: Very few members are awarded ninja status. For the most part, it's reserved for some of the old-timers who were here at the beginning. Entry into the Super Top-Secret Ninja Masterclass is reserved for admins, mods, Team Awesome writers and "Group: Ninja." Trust me when I say you're not missing much. Besides, there are (or will be, depending on when you read this) other top secret areas.

This Former Rule no longer applies said:

Q: Why can't I post an image?
A: I've disabled image posting for all members. No one is allowed to do it. Not in a thread, not in your signature. Why? Firstly, it encourages spam. Secondly, you can just link to a photo instead. Thirdly, I hate it when people post huge images that take forever to load and are so big that they create horizontal scrollbars...no, just no. No images. This forum is intended to be a lean, quick loading thing. Plus, I really, really hate images in sigs, and I'd rather not have my mods waste their time policing the size of images in members' sigs.

Q: Former rule? What does that mean?
A: Well, there was a time when I kept images out of sigs. Then I figured what the hell, I'll allow it. I'll probably regret it. So please, please, keep sig no bigger than 500x100 pixels (500 pixels wide, 100 pixels tall). That's total, not for each image.

Q: This FAQ isn't very funny. What happened?
A: I didn't spend much time on it.

[Dave]

How not to post like an idiot
(or Guidelines to Good Posting)

As you know, we have been very generous in not requiring a literacy test in order to become a member of this forum. You’re welcome.

We’ve provided some guidelines to help keep this place semi-literate. The Simon and Schuster Handbook for Writers is also an excellent resource.

Our goal here is not to institute a set of nasty-sounding doctrines. Rather we want to keep this forum as reader-friendly and user-friendly as possible.

1. Please do not type in l33t (elite speak, hacker speak), text message speak or any such thing.

2. Please spell out words and refrain from using numbers or single letters as contractions. Say “See you later.” Not “C U l8r.” Please. We beg you.

3. Please do not type in all caps.

4. Use capital letters, punctuation and, yes, even the return/enter key to make your sentences and paragraphs as readable as possible.

5. Please don’t use a text color that is difficult to see.

6. When quoting another member’s post, please delete all but the relevant nugget you wish to reference and not the whole thing. Never quote really long posts in their entirety. Just say what you want to say. We’ll be able to follow you. We’re not idiots. (At least most of us aren’t. The rest will have to fend for themselves…Forum Darwinianism.)

7. Use informative thread titles. “Must read this,” and “I can’t believe it…” are not good. Use a brief phrase that tells the reader what the main content of your thread is.

8. Use the 10 second rule. We know, it never really worked in the Tom and Jerry cartoons, but we feel it can work in real life. If something makes you angry (we’re talking hot, foot-stomping mad), count to ten before writing a post. Then delete what you’ve written and try it again. You’ll be happier writing a clear-headed, constructive post than an angry diatribe about how there’s no earthly way Aliens 3 was better than 2. Start your own blog for that.

[Dave]

Extras and Special Features
As you look through the forum, you will probably see stuff like Ducats, Casino, Arcade, Misfit Mafia, etc.

These are fun little extras to screw around with. The 'ducat' is the unit of fake currency used here. You get various amounts depending on whether you start or reply to a thread. Different sections of the forum award different amounts of ducats.

Ducats (fake money) may be used for fake betting (Frankie the Fixer is always willing to set odds and take your wagers), awards for forum contests, spending in the Chaos Stock Exchange, whatever. It has no real world value. (Ducats are temporarily disabled.)

Casino - click for more info. Use ducats to bet. Must post once in order to play that day.

Arcade - Yep, there's an arcade of flash games. Must post once in order to play that day. Most of the games are self-explanatory. There are another type called Sit 'n' Go games. These are multiplayer games requiring at least two people (up to 15) to play. You compete against each other's scores simultaneously. Select 'create a Sit 'n' Go game,' select the maximum number of people you wish to join, select the time limit for the game (usually 5 or 10 minutes) and then start a thread to ask people to join you.

Misfit Mafia - This is a forum game that we play here. I suggest reading the Misift Mafia game guide first. As I explain in the guide, I did not invent the game, but I have added a few tweaks to it. To join, wait for someone to post a "Misfit Mafia sign up" thread (one will usually pop up a few hours after the last game is finished). Reply that you want to join the next game. If you have any questions, ask in that thread or start your own. There is also a FAQ section in the game guide.

Brothel - Lady Gustava's Pleasuretorium is a wonderful place to relax. To participate, start a thread announcing you have entered. The current price is automatically deducted when you start your thread. Lady Gustava will respond with a list of her sultry ladies and fine gentlemen who are on staff this evening. (No, this is not a real life brothel, it's just forum entertainment.)

Music/affiliation/sports - See those little images under the avatars of some members? You can select your own from a long, detailed list. Here's how...
Go to:
My controls => Edit Profile Information

Go to the bottom of the page. There are three drop-down boxes. One for music, one for hobbies/affiliations and one for sports teams. Select from the choices and a corresponding image will appear under your profile. You may change it at any time. Cool, eh? Maybe "as a cucumber" kinda cool?

Music: bands, genres of music. You may post requests. Better yet, make your own (no bigger than 28x28 pixels) and post a link to the image so I can add it.

Hobbies/affiliations include: hobbies, political parties, veggie/meat preferences, pop culture icons

Sports: all NFL teams, all MLB teams, a couple of NBA teams and Nascar drivers. I will add college, NHL and other missing icons per request. I had to edit every single one of these images and there's no way I'm wasting my time on two dozen hockey teams that no one gives a crap about. (Note: I had to use white backgrounds for many of them--especially the sports logos--because otherwise many did not stand out against black backgrounds.)

Extra, non-selectable bonus images - You will see some members with extra image thingies under their avatar. These may only be granted by an admin. Below is an explanation how to earn each.

Champions. Winners of the MASL (fantasy sports superleague) and the overall arcade leader get these little goodies. (With the arcade, you can't be atop the leaderboard for a second. It's gotta be an extended domination.)

Medals of Doom
These medals guage your participation in forum events such as Misift Mafia games, photoshop competitions, playing or hosting , arcade olympics, fantasy sports leagues, etc. There are 12 levels. The first few are:
Merit Bar of Super Importance - participate in at least 10 events.
2nd rank - participate in 20 events.
3rd rank - participate in 30 events.
Medal of (you'll have to find out) - 40 events.
and so on. Each level features a different graphic icon.

Awards of Doom
This category is for winners of forum events. There are 7 levels. The mafia games only count towards the medals, not towards the trophies. Feel free to brag about mafia victories or your mafia record in your sig.
Bronze Cup - win 3 events.
Silver Cup - win 6 events
3rd thing - win 10 events.
4th thing - win 20 events.
5th - 30
etc.

Lawmaker. See the Constitution thread in the Political section. Get at least five laws on the books to get this tag.

Referrals. This is to reward members who bring in new members here. Prompt them to post here that they're your referral. Once they reach 30 posts, that's a confirmed referral.
5 referrals gets you the referral badge
10 gets you the referral commendation
25 gets you the top referral image award thingie

Service. Not sure how or why I'll award these. Like the referral thing, there are three levels of it. In the past, for instance, Meathe and company would've gotten stuff for their help in July 06, during the Great Unpleasantness. This should be considered separate from the little bonuses extant, like custom titles at 3,000 posts or admission into the Super Top Secret Ninja Masterclass. I'll think of something. Just do me a favor and don't feel slighted if you don't have one. It's nothing personal.

***The following extras are temporarily deactivated:
Use the Ducat Transfer to send funds to another member.

The Chaos Stock Exchange is sorta silly. At some point I will code my own. Currently, the sell price of stocks is way, way under the buy price (the guy who wrote the code didn't want people to cheat the system by buying a bunch of stock and immediately selling). Stocks also go bankrupt at random times, causing you to lose your investment. Dividends are paid at random intervals. Stocks are selected by me, and you are encouraged to suggest your own fake company (could be the name of your website, could be completely fictitious) in the Randomosity section of this board.

Taxes. Yeah, your fake money is fake taxed. Sucks, right? You do, however, have the option of bribing the tax collector.

***The following extras are just weird and cool and maybe fun
The official Misfitopia paper arcade machine
Now you can build your own.

[Dave]

The sections:

MaximumAwesome.com is the official section for the Maximum Awesome website extravaganza.

Carnalvarium is the place for thoughtful discussion on relationships, dating, and the fun stuff that happens between the sheets. Keep it SFW, please.

TV, movies, music is for discussion of just that. Play "crap or not crap," where you make a quickie rating of the effluvia assaulting our senses on a daily basis.

Video games, tech & interwebbery covers the fast and growing trend of a medium that is 98% crap and growing.

Sports. Take a guess what we discuss there. It's also where we discuss the official MaximumAwesome.com fantasy leagues.

Randomosity. Not spamming, but reasonably coherent conversation on random topics like Adidas Sambas and ponies.

Politics and religion. We've kept it relatively flame free. We'd like to keep it that way. There is also a Misfitopia Constituion thread where we author our own laws. It's a fun little pasttime.

The Growlery is a place to complain about stuff. Feel better? Great, no one cares.

Welcomes, forum issues, plugging your site This is the place to introduce yourself. If you have any issues or problems with the forum software, raise them here. This is also the only place to hype up your site or a friend's. You must have 30 posts before plugging any site.

The Super Top-secret Ninja Masterclass is an invite only section.

[Dave]

How to play in the Casino
1. After you enter the casino, you must physically move your ducats into your "casino wallet"...where they become your chips.
2. When you're done with a game, you MUST cashout your chips. Depending on the game, you will either click cashout, cashier, submit or send results. If you don't, you lose your chips.
3. Don't hit the "back" button in your browser while in the casino. It's the same as not cashing out. You will lose your chips.
4. These games work via javascript or flash. If you can't see a game for some reason, it's a problem with your computer. Feel free to let me know, but I doubt there's anything I can do...and, no, I'm not buying you a new computer just so you can play Chaos Casino.
5. Your fake winnings ARE fake taxed.

Please...
a. suggest a new name if "Chaos Casino" sucks.
b. help me out with the rules of some of these games...the in-game "rules" links are hit or miss. I'm compiling a short summary in this thread. If you can help out, please do.
c. let me know if there is a casino game you'd like to play that is not on this list. I will try to find it. There's a lot of garbage out there...I kinda think these are the best of the bunch.

The Rules
* Baccarat
(from Wiki because I have no freakin idea what this game is about) Baccarat (pronounced Back-a-rah) is a simple game with only three possible results - 'Player', 'Banker' and 'Tie'. The term 'Player' does not refer to the customer and the term 'Banker' does not refer to the house. They are just options on which the customer can bet.

Baccarat is an unusual game in that any score of 10 is worth 0 (or 'Baccarat'). The highest score that can be achieved is 9. Two picture cards would have a score of 0. A 9 and a 6 would not equal 15 but 5. (Minus the first digit) An ace counts as 1 and the rest of the cards retain their face value.

The casino banks the game at all times. Players may bet on either the player or the banker, which are merely designations for the two hands dealt in each game.

The cards are dealt, one to the 'Player' first then to the 'Banker', 'Player' then 'Banker' again. Each has two cards. This is the initial deal. Both cards in each hand are added together and the croupier calls the total. (e.g. five to the 'Player', three to the 'Banker') From this position the 'Tableau' or table of play is used to determine if further cards need to be drawn. A maximum of three cards per hand may be drawn to achieve a winning hand. Therefore the object of the game is to bet on the hand with the highest total.

The Tableau is as follows:

Pictures and 10s count as 0. If the initial deal has a hand totalling 8 or 9 no further cards are drawn.

* If the 'Player' has an initial total of 0, 1, 2, 3, 4 or 5, the 'Player' draws another card.
* If the 'Player' has an initial total of 6 or 7, the 'Player' stands and draws no further card.
* If the 'Player' has an initial total of 8 or 9, this is a natural and neither the 'Player' nor the 'Banker' draw further cards.

* If the 'Banker' has an initial total of 0, 1 or 2, the 'Banker' draws another card.
* If the 'Banker' has an initial total of 3, the 'Banker' draws another card when the 'Player's' third card is anything but an 8.
* If the 'Banker' has an initial total of 4, the 'Banker' draws another card when the 'Player's' third card is a 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 or 7.
* If the 'Banker' has an initial total of 5, the 'Banker' draws another card when the 'Player's' third card is a 4, 5, 6, or 7.
* If the 'Banker' has an initial total of 6, the 'Banker' draws another card when the 'Player's' third card is a 6 or 7.
* If the 'Banker' has an initial total of 7, the 'Banker' stands and draws no further cards.
* If the 'Banker' has an initial total of 8 or 9, this is a natural and neither the 'Player' nor the 'Banker' draw further cards.

* If the 'Banker' has an initial total of 0, 1, 2, 3, 4 or 5 and the 'Player' has an initial total of 6 or 7 and stands, the 'Banker' draws another card.

* The 'Banker' must stand on 6 when the 'Player' has a 6 or 7 on the initial deal.

*In this version, it's possible to wager on both the Player and Tie, or on Banker and Tie, but not on Player and Banker.

*Should both the 'Banker's' hand and the 'Player's' hand have the same value at the end of the deal the croupier shall announce "Egalite - tie bets win." All tie bets will be paid at the odds of 8-1 and the croupier shall not touch the bets on either 'Player' or 'Banker'.

Despite its simplicity (or perhaps because of it), the punto banco version of baccarat offers some of the lowest house advantage available in a casino. The player bet has a house advantage of 1.24%, and the banker bet (despite the 5% commission) has an advantage of 1.06%. The tie bet has a much higher house advantage of 14.44%, based on six decks in play.

* Blackjack
Get as close to 21 as possible without going over. Yes, you can play multiple hands at once. How cool is that?

* Craps
(from Wiki again because I can never remember how this game pays out)
The first roll of a new round is called the "come-out roll." All bets are based on the total of both dice together, or on the specific combination of the roll.

Craps features a plethora of bets, but the most fundamental is the "pass line" wager, which nearly all players make. On a come-out roll, the pass line bettors win when either a 7 or 11 is rolled. A 2, 3, or 12 loses, and is called "craps". When any other number (4, 5, 6, 8, 9, or 10) is rolled it's called the point. Once a point has been set, the pass-line bettor wins if the point is rolled again, and loses if a 7 is rolled first ("seven-out"). After a seven-out the dice pass to the next shooter for a new come-out roll.

The opposite of a pass line bet is the "don't pass" bet, which wins on a come-out roll of 2 or 3, loses on 7 or 11, ties on 12, and goes to the point round when any other number is rolled. (In some casinos the 2 is barred and in such cases the 2 will tie but the 12 will win). In the point round the don't pass bet wins if a 7 is rolled and loses if the point is rolled. People who bet on the don't pass are called wrong bettors, while those who bet on the pass are called right bettors, only because most craps players make the pass line bet instead of the don't pass bet.

* Draw poker
You are dealt 5 cards. You will then choose how many to keep and how many to exchange for new cards. You need a pair of Jacks or better to win. The object is to create the best 5-card poker hand you can. In descending order, these are:
* Five of a kind: Five cards of the same rank (only possible in games with wild cards) Example: A? A? A? A? Joker
* Straight flush: Five cards in sequence and of the same suit. Example: Q? J? 10? 9? 8? (An ace-high straight flush is often called a "royal flush", and is the highest hand possible without wild cards).
* Four of a kind: A hand with four cards of the same rank. Example: 4? 4? 4? 4? 9?
* Full house: A hand with three cards of one rank and two of another. Example: 8? 8? 8? K? K? (Often described as the three-of-a-kind rank full of the pair rank. The example is eights full of kings)
* Flush: Five cards of the same suit. Example: K? J? 8? 4? 3?
* Straight: Five cards in sequence. (The ace can be considered higher than the king or lower than the two.) Example: 5? 4? 3? 2? A? (NOTE: this game does not recognize the ace as a low card. Bummer. And no, I don't have the ability to fix it.)
* Three of a kind: Three cards of the same rank. Example: 7? 7? 7? K? 2?
* Two pair: Two cards of one rank, two of another. Example: A? A? 8? 8? Q?
* One pair: Two cards of the same rank. Example: 9? 9? A? J? 4?
* High card: Also known as a "no pair" hand. The following example is considered "Ace high." Example: A? 10? 9? 5? 4?

* Keno
(from Wiki)
Keno cards have 80 numbers; the keno player can pick as many (or as few) numbers as desired. This is done by circling or otherwise marking them with a pencil. Once the player has picked his or her numbers, he must bring his or her card back to the clerk at the keno booth. The clerk will then issue a receipt after recording the player's numbers.

After picking numbers and recording them at the keno booth, the player will then watch either a "big board" in which winning keno numbers will light up or on a video monitor showing the selected numbers. As the winning numbers light up, the player usually marks them on his or her card with a bright-colored marker. The amount of numbers the player originally picked that match winning numbers of a particular drawing will determine if any money is won and, if so, how much.

* Roulette
Pretty self-explanatory. Place your chips on a number, or group of numbers or color (red/black), etc. The wheel spins and the ball will land in a pocket. If you guess right, you win. If not, you die. Oh, no...wait...the death thing is a different type of roulette.

* Slots
You bet chips and spin the slots in the hopes of lining up groups of symbols. The standard bet is one line across the middle, that is, you can only win if the right symbols line up in the middle row. You CAN select multiple lines. You increase your chance of winning, but you also have to bet more per spin.

[Dave]

Legendary Threads

Some memorable but now closed threads:
Ask McAwesome - pointless Q&A
I Hate Everything Club - the hate all started here.